O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allāh, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed Allāh is ever, over you, an Observer. (Sūrah An-Nisa' 4:1)
The very first bond that Allāh ﷻ created between humans is the bond of marriage (marital bond), when He, The Most High, created Ādam عليه السلام and from him created Hawwa سلام الله عليها and then married them both. This sacred bond holds a great importance in each's life and it is only through this bond that Allāh ﷻ allowed procreation.
There are numerous benifits of marriage such as, Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ, fulfillment of a religious duty, sexual pleasure, procreation, protects chastity, a source of happiness, peace, tranquility and earning divine rewards, a source to become rich, and others. The Prophet ﷺ said, “whoever Allāh bestows a good wife upon Allāh has helped him with half of his Dīn. So he should fear Allāh with the other half.” (Al-Hākim in Al-Mustadrak). In a similar Hadīth the Prophet ﷺ is reported to have said, “when the slave of Allāh marries he has fulfilled half the faith” (Mishkāt al Masābīh)
But, all around the world today this bond is being defiled, we see marriages falling and society collapsing, we are witnessing a great amount of increase in sexual activities and children being born outside of the wedlock, we are witnessing the abandonment of the ‘Sacred Laws’
But, What is the reason for this?
It should not be hard to recognize that the major reason behind this is ‘The Feminist Revolution’ which promises women of a new dawn, when in reality it promises them a cursed dusk!
• Impact of the feminist revolution
The knave and ignorant women lured by the slogans raised in the western society such as "Gender Equality", "Freedom of Women" and "Rights of Women" threw their lot along with the male population in the economic field not knowing that they were brought into it by the elites for their evil plans which they have for the world. Social contact between men and women started to increase, day by day it widened from the precincts of offices and factories to include hotels, restaurants, clubs, ballrooms, markets and even political battlegrounds, parks, playgrounds and centres of entertainment. One by one the moral values were being trampled by the unrestrained social interaction between the male and female members of the society. Those women who yearned for moving within the male section of the population, were naturally tempted to display their beauty and feminine charms to the opposite gender. In this process, the western women started wearing tight and gaudy dresses made of very fine fabric, which reminds of the Hadīth where the Prophet ﷺ said “A time will come when women will be dressed, yet naked” (Muslim). Moreover, the so-called modern ladies were seen with their male friends in swimming pools in a dress that scarcely covered their bodies. They freely moved and mixed with the other sex in clubs, theaters, cine studios etc. Consequently we see today that in the context of "Women's Freedom" and "Women's Rights", donning half-naked dresses in public and becoming unmarried mothers is no more a matter of shame.
In less than 50 years, the feminism and "sexual liberation" have ravaged the institution of the family. Feminism pretends to champion women when in fact it disparages feminine qualities. It has ruined the lives of millions of women (and men) who now can't find lasting love.
Schools are actually teaching children to experiment with gay sex in the name of "human rights" and "tolerence" and courts are upholding the right of schools to mentally debauch children over their parents' objections. In Hungary, adults can have sex with children of 14. All of this is designed to make the sex act and end-in-itself apart from love, marriage and procreation. Thus the habit of monogamy is lost. Promiscuous women cannot commit to one man, so there's no “until death do us part” now!
Compare this to 50 years ago when sex was consecrated for marriage and family. Marriage is the basic building block of society. If men and women are not faithful, then there is no basis for social stability. There is no foundation for the family. Break up marriage and you break up society, rendering it vulnerable to political control. Women have been tricked into having careers instead of families. Making women providers also ensures they make men redundant, and have fewer children.
Allāh ﷻ says in the Qur'ān, that the functional role of men and women is like that of the night and the day,
By the night when it covers
And [by] the day when it appears
And [by] He who created the male and female,
Indeed, your efforts are diverse. (Sūrah Al-Layl 92:1-4)
The Qur'ān likened the creation of the male and the female to that of the 'night' and the 'day', implying that they complement each other like twin-halves of a whole. But they are also functionally different, they have different roles to play as said in āyah above.
Allāh ﷻ says in Sūrah An-Nisa' 4:34 that "Men are in charge of women by what Allāh has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allāh would have them guard."
• Qur'ānic guidance
Notice in the āyah 34 of Sūrah An-Nisa', when Allāh ﷻ says regarding men that they are in charge of women it is a general statement, but when Allāh ﷻ talks about the role of women, He switches to ‘specific statement’ and starts with “Sālihāt/righteous women” indicating that only righteous women would play their role appropriately.
Hence a successful and harmonious male-female relationship requires that the 'night' (i.e., female) must function as 'night' and not try to become day and similarly the 'day' (i.e. the male) must function as 'day' and not try to become 'night'.
Men are not superior to women nor women are superior to men in the sight of Allāh ﷻ, the Prophet ﷺ said, “People are equal like the teeth of a comb.” (Tabarāni), rather they compliment each other as we've explained above.
But, Prophet Muhammad ﷺ warned that, “Nothing between the creation of Adam until the establishment of the Hour is a greater trial than the trial of the Dajjāl The False Messiah.” (Muslim). So in order to protect ourselves and our families from ‘the greatest trial’, it requires ‘the great awareness’. And this is what ‘Islāmic Eschatology’ is about.
Ad-Dajjāl means ‘the deceiver’ hence his mission is to deceive mankind, the Prophet ﷺ said, ”Dajjāl would have water and fire with him: (what would seem to be) fire, would be cold water and (what would seem to be) water, would be fire” (Bukhāri). Relating that in Dajjāl's age the appearance and reality would be complete opposite to each other.
He ﷺ also said “The last people to follow him i.e., Dajjāl would be women, and his spell over women would be such that a man would have to return to his home and tie down (i.e., coercively restrain) his wife, sister and daughter to protect them from being seduced by Dajjāl.” (Musnad Imām Ahmed). This prophecy indicates that women would be deceived and swept off their feet by something that would turn their world upside down. It would appear to be positive, whereas the reality would be destructive. Indeed, it would be in consequence of Dajjāl's attack when the 'day' would attempt to become the 'night'.
Feminism has done the most damage. There is no more fundamental yet delicate relationship in society than male and female. On it depends the family, the red blood cell of society. Nobody with the interests of society at heart would try to divide men and women. Man loves woman. His first instinct is to nurture and see her thrive. When a woman is happy, she is beautiful. Sure, some men are abusive. But the vast majority have supported and guided their families for millennia.
In short, the functional role of men is to provide for the family and the functional role of women is to raise the children as the the Prophet ﷺ said, ”Surely! Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his/her charges, a man is the guardian of his family and is responsible for his subjects; a woman is the guardian of her husband's home and of his children and is responsible for them.” (Bukhārī)
And when you abandon this functional role the society collapses, for this reason men and women should play their functional roles appropriately.
No matter how convincing the argument is, it will still remain a fact that, when women go out and start earning, it will create a sense of arrogance in them which in turn causes problems in their married life.
'Umar رضي الله عنه said, “After having Īmān on Allāh there is nothing better for a man to have a woman of good morals, poving, bore children. After disbelief in Allāh there is nothing worse than having a woman of bad morals having a tongue like iron” (Musannaf Ibn Abi Shayba). You can see here that both the qualities are completely opposite to each other, and both of these can act like before and after effects of “feminism”. Before the feminist movement, women were traditional, with morality and ethics, they were strong yet delicate and soft at heart, had immense love for children, they were selfless. After the waves of feminism, women have become more immoral, weak, indecent with unethical tounge, cursing and showing ingratitude towards others (husbands primarily), and not wanting to become mothers/caregivers, they've become selfish instead.
• Importance and purpose of marriage
Allāh ﷻ says in the Qur'ān, Sūrah Adh-Dhariyat 51:56 that "And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me."
The reason for our creation is the worship of Allāh ﷻ, what marriage does is, it increases the number of worshippers. As said, we are living in a time where the society is decaying at a rapid pace, it’s of utmost importance to us as the Ummah of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ to follow his Sunnah and promote Nikāh rather than delay marriage for the purpose of making careers. We have to understand the dangerous changes taking place in the world to stay aware and away from it. But the reality even with most of the muslims is that we no longer follow the Prophet ﷺ rather it is the state and the decadent society created by the modern west that we follow.
And the Prophet ﷺ had already warned us about it when he said, “You would tread the same path as was trodden by those before you inch by inch and step by step so much so that if they had entered into the hole of the lizard, you would follow them in this also. We said: Allāh's Messenger, do you mean Jews and Christians (by your words)" those before you"? He said: Who else (than those two religious groups)?" (Muslim)
Malcolm X (Malik El-Shabazz) said, “Islām is the only religion that gives both husband and wife a true understanding of what love is. The Western 'love' concept, you take it apart, it really is lust. But love transcends just the physical. Love is disposition, behavior, attitude, thoughts, likes, dislikes - these things make a beautiful woman, a beautiful wife. This is the true beauty that never fades. You find in your Western civilization that when a man's wife's physical beauty fails, she loses her attraction. But Islām teaches us to look into the woman, and teaches her to look into us”
Allāh ﷻ says that He created us in pairs so that we find ‘Sukūn’ (peace and tranquility) in each other, Sūrah Ar-Rūm 30:21 "And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought."
An aphorism states, ‘it's amazing to be touched by the person who understands your mind, acknowledges your flaws and loves you are soul.’
Sūrah Al-Baqarah 2:187 "They are a clothing for you and you are a clothing for them."
Al Tabari says, “Each one is like clothing for the other, as they are alone with each other when they sleep, and each one is as important to the other as clothes are to the body. This is because each one is a ‘sakan’ for the other- a place of tranquility to return to from the storm that is life. Clothes are the most important things for the human body, as it is the covering with which it is covered. At the same time it is a perfect fit, not long nor short. The same way, the man and woman are the most attached to each other. They merge, and so are one body and one Rūh...”
• Allāh ﷻ promises to enrich you if you get married
Sūrah An-Nur 24:32 "And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allāh will enrich them from His bounty, and Allāh is all-Encompassing and Knowing."
The Prophet ﷺ said, “Marry women! For they bring wealth with them.” (Ibn Mājah)
Ibn ‘Abbās and his father رضي الله عنهم said that, ’Allāh commanded Muslims to marry and promised to make them rich’. (Tabari)
Ibn Mas'ūd said رضي الله عنه, “seek richness through marriage” for Allāh says "If they should be poor, Allāh will enrich them from His bounty.” (Tafsīr Ibn Kathīr)
Abu Bakr رضي الله عنه is reported to have said, “Obey Allāh in what He comanded you to do by getting married; He will then fulfil His promise to you to make you rich.” He then recited the above āyah. (Dhur Al-Manthūr)
• A few advices
“Marriage is a religious institution, and should be treated in a religious way, otherwise the mating of men and women is no better than the mating of animals.” - Imām Al-Ghazāli
We go back to the āyah 1 of Sūrah An-Nisa' in which the very first thing that Allāh ﷻ reminds us about is to fear Him. If there's no fear of God then one might descend to the depths of filth not worrying about anything or anyone. Allāh ﷻ regarding your spouse, fear Allāh ﷻ regarding your children.
Qualities which should be sought in a wife :
1. Chastity
Sūrah Al-Ma'idah 5:5 "And [lawful in marriage are] chaste women from among the believers and chaste women from among those who were given the Scripture before you..."
Ibn Falīta narrated from Imām 'Alī عليه السلام that he said, “the best of women are those who are chaste and who are passionate lovers to their husbands.”
2. Good disposition :
One of the most important quality that should be sought in a spouse is good character. Unfortunately today we do not look for good character when finding a spouse even if we do, it's of a secondary importance. Ibn Falīta narrated that the Prophet ﷺ is reported to have said; “Beware of green dung.” When asked what green dung is, he replied, “A beautiful woman brought up in a bad environment.”
And In the Old Testament it is said that “a beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig's snout.” (Proverbs 11:22)
Similarly, in the New Testament it is narrated that Peter said, “Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewellery, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” (Peter 3:3-4)
Owomoyela cites a Yoruba proverb thus: "Go with your head, not with your beauty; beauty abandons one in a day, but one's head remains with one in the marital home," meaning that a woman should care more about good character than about beauty.
Another proverb states, "Beauty without virtue is like a rose without scent" meaning inner beauty is just as important as external beauty. Virtue, which is the substance and core of an individual, beautifies the physical form.
3. Beauty :
Given the fact that men price beautiful women highly, every woman is different in her own special way. Feminine physical beauty is particularly important for men and for this reason the Qur'ān permits men to seek spouses whom they find aesthetically pleasing. Sūrah An-Nisa' 4:3 "Then marry those that please you of women.."
Similarly the Prophet ﷺ advised his companions to marry women they were attracted to, he said : “If one of you proposes to a woman and if he is able to look at her that which motivates him to marry her, let him do so” (Nasā'ī)
As-Suyūtī said, “Men! Mary women that are fresh and of Surpassing beauty”
• And men should know that in general, women tend to place greater emphasis on the desirability of a man's psychological qualities, his character as opposed to the physical qualities of good looks and physique.
The Prophet ﷺ said, “among you the most perfect as regards his faith is the one whose character is most excellent and the best among you are those who are best to their wives.” (Muslim)
Qualities that a man should have as a husband : Sūrah An-Nisa' 4:19 "And live with them in kindness."
A man should strive to attain all of these qualities - Kind, Affectionate, appreciative, attentiveness, chivalry, compatibility, faithfulness, God-fearing, good character and manners, humility, integrity, just, manly, mascular physique, powerful, protective, respecting, selflessness, tenderness, fatherhood, humour, leadership, maturity, romantic, sexual mastery, virility and so forth.
The Prophet ﷺ also reminded the Ummah with great emphasis during his last sermon saying, “Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it is your right that they do not make friends with any one of whom you do not approve, as well never to be unchaste.” (Bukhārī)
The Prophet ﷺ said, “Whoever remains patient with regards to the misbehavior of his wife, Allāh will give him a reward as great as Ayūb's for his affliction. Likewise, if a woman keeps patient with regards to the misbehavior of her husband, Allāh will give her a reward as great as Āsiya Bint Muzahim, (the Pharaoh's wife).” (Al-Hākim in Al-Mustadrak)
• For the ‘lovebirds’
Ibn Hazm said, “Surely love is neither disapproved in religion nor prohibited by the law, for every heart is in Allāh's hands. In truth love is a baffling ailment, and its remedy is in strict accord with the degree to which it is treated; it is a delightful malady, a most desirable sickness. Whoever is free of it likes not to be immune, and whoever is struck down by it earns not to recover.”
The Prophet ﷺ said, “there is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another.” (Ibn Mājah). If you love someone then hasten to get married with that person because if you don't then, by each passing day its fitna will increase and you may fall into sin ‘out of love’ you may call it!
Even though love for other human beings is not forbidden in and of itself, Allāh ﷻ can test us with love to test our obedience to and love for Him. As a believer, the love of Allāh ﷻ should be first and foremost, followed by the love of His final Messenger ﷺ. ‘Unconditional love’, which is often spoken about nowadays, should be reserved for Allāh ﷻ alone, as only He deserves to be loved unconditionally, to which the following āyah of the Qur'ān alludes, Sūrah At-Taubah 9:24: Say, [O Muhammad], “If your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your wives, your relatives, wealth which you have obtained, commerce wherein you fear decline, and dwellings with which you are pleased are more beloved to you than Allāh and His Messenger and jihād [i.e., striving] in His cause, then wait until Allāh executes His command. And Allāh does not guide the defiantly disobedient people.”
• If you can't afford to get married then Allāh ﷻ says, Sūrah An-Nūr 24:33 "But let them who find not [the means for] marriage abstain [from sexual relations] until Allāh enriches them from His bounty."
The Prophet ﷺ said, “O young men, whoever who has the ability to have coition should marry, for it lowers the gaze and guards one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it will be a shield for him.” (Bukhāri)
Young men who are not married should work hard to become rich as no father would like to give his daughter to a man who is not rich. And as for the young women, they should spend more time learning the religion for they are the one's who would raise a new generation, raise their sons on the path of 'Alī عليه السلام and daughters on the path of Fātima سلام الله عليها
• And know that Allāh ﷻ says, Sūrah An-Nūr 24:26 that "Corrupt women are for corrupt men, and corrupt men for corrupt women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women."
Among the aphorisms on this matter there is this: ‘Attract what you expect, reflect what you desire, become what you respect, and mirror what you admire.’
Jazākallāh khairan wa 'alaikumussalām
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